Life and Death

Yesterday my daughter got some fish from the store.  She was so excited! She named her fish Goldie and Onyx.  She even couldn't sleep because she just wanted to watch them all night.

  This morning she comes and knocks on my door telling me that one of her fish, Onyx, isn't swimming anymore.  During the night, the black fish Onyx passed away.  Naturally Harley was sad and I had to explain to her that he must of been sick when I had got him, that he had gone to fishy heaven and that I would have to get her a new fish. I had to explain to her that everyone dies at some time and pets live shorter than we do, especially fish.

This got me thinking, "when is the right time to explain death to our kids?"  Is it when a family member has passed, or should we get something like fish, who we know won't live long, that way they experience death?

I'm trying to think of the first time I experienced the loss of something or someone.  I think it was with a goldfish.  It was one of those fish you win at the State Fair from tossing a ball into a fish bowl.  What I just can't remember is if this helped me when it came to losing someone I loved.

The thing about children is that children don't understand death.  They don't understand that death is permanent.  When it comes to things like when a fish die, we just go out and get a new one.  When a person dies, we can't just go to the store and get a new one.  So how do we explain to our kids that grandma or grandpa isn't coming back?

Keep your explanations simple, that way your child can understand it better.  Explain that  the person's body has stopped working and that they are no longer in pain.  Children understand pain since they are always getting bumps and bruises from playing.  If you explain to them that the person isn't in pain, then this might give them some comfort.

Your little one is going to be sad, and this is normal.  Just comfort them and answer any questions they may have.  Don't lie to them by saying that the person is "sleeping" because this might scare them into thinking that if they go to sleep, that they might die too.

We all are going to have to explain death to our children sooner or later, and even though fish or a pet passing isn't the same as when a family member dies, it still might help when that time comes.